What is Spiritually Correct and Spiritually Incorrect?

By Egan Sanders © 2005

One of the most challenging aspects of spiritual growth is the shadow. The shadow is composed of the parts of our minds, emotions, bodies and experience that are ignored, avoided, or feared. Life can be full of contradictions and everyone does their best to navigate through them. When we feel confusion, pain, or sense our own fears or limitations, we have many strategies to handle them. One approach is being Spiritually Correct. Spiritually Correct shows up in a few ways:

Nicey Nice: One is be acting "nicey, nice" to everyone - forced smiles and politeness, insincere or inauthentic behavior - The communication is - "I can't express the truth" or "I don't want to rock the boat" Example: You have an interaction with someone you truly do not feel comfortable with and yet you feel compelled to smile and act like you do. How does this make your body feel?

Denial: Another favorite is denial. Something jarring happens and you may tell yourself "Nothing is the matter, I am not feeling this, let's make it look all okay - I can't/won't feel it." Example: you are in a job or a relationship that is not fulfilling and yet you keep trying to make it work. You are unwilling to feel your true feelings for fear that it may be too overwhelming to deal with. Notice your energy level when you are not doing what fulfills you.

Listen to me! Don't look at me!: When it comes to spiritual ideas and personal growth, many people can presents themselves as an authority - all it takes in one book or class to make a person an expert. Even if someone is just giving advice to a friend, they themselves may be in a state of self-contradiction about the very same issue. What they are really doing is offering a theory - not an ideal they have demonstrated in their own lives. Example: A friend keeps giving advice about business success when they themselves are in debt, financially irresponsible, and/or unwilling to act on their own dreams. Even when someone says all the right words you may notice that there will be a feeling that something is missing.

You may externally look good being spiritually correct, but it can eat you up inside. Is there an alternative? Spiritually Incorrect is another way to show up that is more real and open. Any of these three ideas will allow you to be spiritually incorrect, and perhaps, a little freer.

Honesty: Ken Keyes, the author of "The Handbook To Higher Consciousness" suggested being courageously direct. Stop beating around the bush (I am not talking about the President - can we lay off George anyway, and be self-responsible?) and speak your truth fully - with love. People respect that. It is not your responsibility what other people do with what you say. The message is "I can express the truth. We can express the truth. It is safe to express myself." Example: Ever spoke up in a tense situation, found that the other people felt the exact same way, and then everything felt lighter and clearer? Even if a communication is put forth and is not fully agreed with there is a sense of release. You feel better. You have been honest and true.

Acknowledgment: This is all about ownership. Something happens and you acknowledge your real feelings. "Yes, something does feel off, I am feeling this - it is valid - let's examine it!" This is when you are willing to honestly look at your self, beliefs, feelings, thoughts, and actions, and raise your conscious self-awareness. When you are truly in touch with your feelings you are then giving yourself the opportunity to change. You may not have all the answers, but you have admitted it to yourself. Example: You feel exhausted all the time. You keep drinking coffee to stay alert and keep pushing yourself to stick with your busy schedule. One day you stop and get in touch with your anxiety - the pressure of carrying too many responsibilities. You realize that the stress is draining you. You begin to think of new ways to balance your time and energy and solutions appear. Instead of running on the treadmill of life faster, you find a more pleasant approach. You have gotten the message of the exhaustion instead of ignoring it. When you ignore you create ignorance.

Congruency: If you offer advice, if you think you know better, if you think you have it all figured out - STOP, and question yourself first. Are you being congruent with what you wish to share? Are you embodying what you are sharing? No excuses, no explanations - are your actions an example of your own words? Example: A friend is pouring their heart out to you about an unhappy relationship. You console them and offer advice that is good, sensible and wise. Are you sure you know what you are talking about? Are you taking your own advice - is this how you actually live? After the conversation you look at your own life. You consider the possibility that this person may be mirroring something within yourself. Upon further meditation you realize that you may need to clean some things up as well. You become congruent in that moment - being honest with yourself and then choosing to act that way.

Question yourself. My own life reflects previous spiritually correct infractions. I have done all of them. I found that nicey nice, denial and "Listen to me! Don't look at me!" - did not get me very far. When I speak the truth honestly with love, own my feelings, and back up my advice with congruent actions, I do better. This is how we can all grow spiritually and make the world a better place. We have enough spiritual philosophy - without action they are just words on a page, or phrases in a sermon.